While most people feel OK broaching friendly conversations with strangers, bringing up religion is another matter. How do we move the conversation forward to the point of sharing the gospel?
In the Book of Acts, chapter 8, Saint Philip received the message from an angel of God to travel down the road from Jerusalem to Gaza. Without knowing why he was to go, Philip got up and started on his way. While he was traveling he encountered an Ethiopian seated in a chariot. Responding to an impulse of the Holy Spirit, he approached the Ethiopian and saw that he was reading the prophet Isaiah. Philip moved the conversation quickly to a question about faith, asking, “Do you understand what you are reading?” Being guided by the Holy Spirit, Philip saw the opportunity to share the gospel, and took it. The Ethiopian responded to the gospel and was baptized by Philip.
But it wasn’t just any Ethiopian. The man Philip approached was a eunuch in charge of the treasury for the queen of the Ethiopians. Approaching someone of such authority may have made Philip more than just a little nervous! But God provides both the grace we need to evangelize, and the grace people need to convert their lives to Jesus Christ. Many of our evangelists have related stories: how a person who at first they thought would never convert, whom they were reluctant to approach, ended up giving their heart to Jesus and coming to faith for the first time (or coming back to living it after being away a long time). Never underestimate what God can and will accomplish! Our God is a God of miracles. He simply needs willing evangelists (see Mt 9:37).
Active Listening
If we count ourselves willing evangelists, like St. Philip, we need first to rely upon the Holy Spirit to guide our way. Next, following St. Philip’s example, we need to take advantage of the opportunities that the Lord places before us to move the conversation forward. To do this effectively, we need to discover how we can use active listening skills to minister to the person before us. The active listener sets his agenda aside to act as a servant to the person before him, saying only what will build them up in Christ. He does not say everything that he wants to say, whenever he wants to say it. He is not combative. He tries to engage the heart of the person, and reflect the heart of God for them. By being attentive to himself, the Holy Spirit, and the person he is speaking to, the active listener strives to move the conversation forward according to God’s holy will, and transition into preaching the gospel how and when the Lord desires.
Learning to exercise active listening skills takes time and practice. How do we engage in active listening?[1]
- Be aware. Throughout your conversation, try to pay attention to the present moment. Be attentive to yourself, so that you can maintain a respectful disposition and proper body language throughout the conversation. This also helps you pay attention to thoughts and inspirations coming from the Holy Spirit.
- Pay attention. Listen to the person and remember what they say. Notice their body language. Are they open to this conversation? What emotional state are they in as they speak to you? What are they interested in? What concerns them? What is on their heart? If they share with you a heart-wrenching story of how a family member passed away, that’s probably something to delve into. If they are angry or confused about God and religion, you might ask them more about it later on. If they seem bored or uninterested, it’s probably the time to redirect, ask well-placed questions, and find out what’s really going on with them. Do all out of genuine love and concern.
- Withhold judgment. Yes, Jesus Christ is the one Way to eternal life (see Jn 14:6; Acts 4:12). But following our Lord Jesus, we do “not come to judge the world but to save the world” (Jn 12:47). Our Lord Himself exhorts us to not judge others, lest we be judged (see Mt 7:1-5). Instead of criticizing false views right away, withhold judgement until it is truly helpful. Instead of hardening yourself to people in gravely immoral lifestyles, consider in the case before you whether you may be called to follow the Lord’s example and “eat with tax collectors and sinners” (Mt 9:11).[2] We are there to minister to others, to bring Christ to them. That comes first, before correcting errors. Like St. Paul, we come to build up, not tear down (see 2 Cor 13:10).
- Reflect back/summarize. Be aware of the possibility that you might misunderstand what a person is saying, and repeat or summarize for them what they’ve told you to make sure you understand. “So you said that you’re on your way to New York for another spinal surgery?” This also has the benefit of showing them that you’ve been listening to them, and opens the way to ask questions. “Yes? … How many surgeries have you had so far?”
- Ask questions. Clarify any areas that are unclear. Show your interest by asking questions. Open-ended questions are often the best. They give people a chance to keep expanding on what they’re telling you. “I’m sorry that happened to you. When your landlord kicked you out of your house, what did you do?” “Can you tell me more about that?”
- Ultimately, speak God’s Word into their life. When someone opens up to you, sharing a part of their life or belief, and you have really listened and shown that you care, then you have likely earned the right that they should listen to you, too. Share the gospel and your personal testimony in ways that the person can understand. When should you do it? Listen to God and remain open to the Holy Spirit’s guidance, and then wait until He inspires you. Wait until He (so to speak) says “Now.”
While learning to be an active listener takes some practice, it is well worth the effort. Once we have become proficient at active listening, these conversations will often happen quickly. One of our evangelists was checking into a hotel. After a bit of friendly conversation, he was able to see that he should ask the desk clerk if she had any prayer requests. The desk clerk responded that her sister was very sick. After taking the time to listen to the story, the evangelist prayed for the clerk and her sister right then and there. It was a brief conversation, but the next day when the evangelist asked her for an update, he learned that the sister had experienced a moment of healing and was doing much better. If the evangelist didn’t take time to establish trust, and then recognize the opportunity to offer prayer, this healing may not have happened!
[1] This list is based upon a list provided by the Center for Creative Leadership.
[2] When you enter into evangelizing friendships such as these, remember the words of St. Jude in his New Testament letter, “Save some, by snatching them out of the fire; on some have mercy with fear, hating even the garment spotted by the flesh” (Jude 1:23). We need to be alert that we do not compromise ourselves by appearing to approve or participate in evil.